May 3, 2002

GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE

bigtips

I never really liked my job, and it's become a nightmare

by M.T. 'the Big Tipper' Martone

Dear Mary,

I'm e-mailing you from work, and I really hope that my boss doesn't have a reason to check my e-mail history, because I'm not supposed to be doing personal things on company time.

That is actually what I'm writing to you about, in part. I have come to hate my job. I started here four years ago, at which time the person who hired me assured me that my lack of experience in the field would not be a problem, because there would be ongoing training, and everyone started from a position similar to mine.

Well, the business has been successful, and it has gotten busier and busier, and more and more technically demanding, and I can't keep up. I can't do what I'm supposed to be doing without spending a huge amount of time researching each step on the Internet, or badgering my co-workers. While I've always respected and liked my boss and co-workers, I've never really liked the work itself, and now it's becoming a nightmare.

I don't have the luxury of taking time off or cutting back my hours because I have a great deal of debt, and I support a family. I'm embarrassed to talk about this with my partner more than I do because I feel like this exposes me as foolish and weak and a loser.

I left my last job for this one feeling similarly frustrated, and the same with the job before that. I feel stupid and humiliated, even though I know that I'm a smart person with skills. I'm exhausted and depressed when I get home, which makes it hard to focus on a job search. I'm afraid that I'm going to get fired. I wish someone could just help me, like a rich relative would just show up with a job offer, but I have no relatives or friends who would be able to help like that. I'm incredibly stressed and miserable. What can I do? Between a Hard Rock and a Rocky Hard Place

Dear Get a Grip and Get a Job,

You heard me. Get a grip and get a new job. You've completely spun out, and that's going to make it hard for you to do what you need to do. You are not a victim. You are not unemployed. Despite what you see on TV, most people don't have the luxury of taking time off from work to find themselves. But do start looking for a new job right now, because it's a whole lot easier to do that without the added stress of unemployment.

Tell everyone you know that you need a new job, and ask them to keep their ear to the ground for opportunities. If they give you leads, follow up.

Be careful about what you apply for. If

you're a smart person with skills, you need to use those smarts and skills to get into a gig that uses those talents. It's easy to focus on the types of jobs that you hear about other people having, or the first job that comes along, but you need to get something that you enjoy, or at least find satisfying in some way, or you're going to want to take yourself out pretty quickly.

Use your lunch break for surrepticious online want ad perusal. If that's not logistically appropriate, buy a paper every day, and check the ads at lunch somewhere out of the office.

BIG TIPS

Do at least one thing every day to move you toward getting a new job. Spend an hour on your resume. Go to websites of local companies and see if they have openings. Make sure you've got a decent outfit and haircut for an interview, so you're ready.

Spend your time with your family and friends talking about other things. Whining

and chest beating does not move you forward. Don't stuff down the stress, but once you've had your daily five minutes of teeth gnashing, drop it and live the rest of your life.

It's good to remember that work does not exist to fill all your needs. It exists to pay your inflated rent. Of course, since you're going to be spending a good chunk of time there, it's nice to work with people you respect and do work that you enjoy. But if you're experiencing a happiness gap, start outside work by spending fun time with your family and your friends, volunteering at an organization you love, and sitting on your back steps with your eyes shut on a nice day.

(P.S. If you volunteer, don't let that gig torture you. Working to move the world forward is cool, but being a martyr sucks for you and everyone around you.)

Dear Mary,

There is one very simple solution you left out for the reader who complained about splitting the bill. There is a group of friends with whom I go to lunch almost every Sunday, and before the waitperson takes the order, we tell them separate checks. Or, in the case of the one couple, they always say, "We'll be on one check, and everyone else has separate checks." Saves an inordinate amount of time and hassle-plus everyone's happy!

Dear Bill Idol,

Splittin' Image

That's a great idea. It's been my experience that restaurants find it annoying to make out multiple checks for a table, but it is also possible that I'm projecting non-existent curmugeonly qualities on undeserving servers. Thanks for the tip!

Dear Big Tipper,

If you e-mail someone with just a friendly note, aren't they supposed to reply? I feel like I'm always sending on these e-mails I get. just little funny things to people, and I almost never hear back. What do you think? I think it's rude.

Dear Forward of You.

Forward Thinking

I think it's kind of people to hold back and not to tell you what they think about getting more forwarded e-mails. Silence is a response.

Dear Big Tipper.

How old is too old to wear low-rise jeans? What is She Thinking?

Dear Pubic Horizon.

The age at which your adolescent capacity for complete and utter disdain of criticism is overtaken by the need to use one's jeans as any sort of “slimming device.

Burning questions? Contact me at the Chronicle, attention Big Tips, P.O. Box 5426, Cleveland 44101, or fax to 216-631-1052. or e-mail to martonela drizzle.com.

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